When I was a teenager I was in a youth organization sponsored by the Masonic Lodge. There were many life lessons taught through the memorization work of the group and most of it I had found to be important in my daily life... but never had I considered the lessons of Patriotism to be as personal as they are today. These words, written around 1922, speak to me and I feel them deep in my bones. Here is part of the lecture of Patriotism I learned when I was just 13.
"
....The sixth station ... is Patriotism... Its color is indigo.... It is an intensified color because it demands even your life on the altar of sacrifice, if need be, for your country. The world is too prone to think, when we speak of battles fought, that the manhood of the nation must form its first line of defense, but equally strong and true, has always been that line of defense formed by Womankind. Hers is the first battle, and hers is the first victory. It is the sister that kisses the brother good-bye, placing her sweet benediction upon his lips. He marches away under flying colors to the sound of martial strains; but she, in the silence that follows, fights the first battle. Womanhood stands back of the ranks and holds up the Flag at home, for if it were not for Womanhood and the love that is centered in her realm, there would be nothing to incite him to deeds of bravery on the field of battle. At this station you re-dedicate your life to your country, its Flag, the stars and stripes, symbol of American civilization, enlightenment and Liberty. Ever lift your voice in its defense and if, in the years to come, you should be the wife and mother of a home, let the lessos of the Flag be sacred, and let them be taught therein, that whether the future shall have war or peace, it shall have patriotism, for to that program you dedicat your life...."-------------
but she, in the silence that follows, fights the first battle
I never understood what that silence would be until now. On the outside I seem to be doing ok. I appear strong and held together. I smile when people ask how my husband is doing and tell them that he's doing well. People ask if I'm ok and I smile and I thank them for their concern and tell them frankly that its hard but we're managing. Inside I'm crying. I don't want to be strong - I want to be held by my wonderful husband. I want to feel his arms wrapped around me as I hold our daughter. I want to see him hold her and tuck her into bed at night. I want to see her take a nap on his chest like she did with her Uncle Trever. I want to put my head on his chest and know that I'm in my favorite place in the world. I'm crying at night when I'm alone, never in front of my daughter or my parents. I want to hear his voice and his laughter and his voice on the telephone without an echo!
Tonight was the 2nd anniversary of my first date with my wonderful husband. Perhaps it seems high schoolish to make a special note of it, but this is the day that changed my life. I remember just after new year's break 2 years ago this man I barely knew, but had seen often, asked for my telephone number... 2 weeks later he called me for a date. It was a Monday - Martin Luther King Jr Day Observed. He came to my apartment on the other side of the city and picked me up for dinner and a movie. We went to a Mexican restaurant and then to see the movie Big Fish. I loved that movie. What I remember even better than the movie was seeing this man out of the corner of my eye look at me when I was laughing during the movie. He never tried to put his arm around me, but just looked at me in the most caring way. After the movie he put his coat around me as we walked out to his vehicle. The wind was blowing fiercely and I put my arm through his as we walked. Those
wonderful and amazing arms! He walked me up to my apartment door and I thanked him for the wonderful evening. As I went to kiss his cheek goodnight he turned his head and I caught his lips. I smiled and said good night. After closing the door I leaned against it and thought about what a perfect date that had been, what an amazing man he was, how wonderful those arms felt, and how I hoped he'd call me again. Eight months after that first date I became his wife.
I never expected to marry someone in the military. In fact I said I'd
never marry a military man.... But I did.
I love my wonderful husband with so much passion. If I am strong, it is because his love gives me strength. Knowing each morning I'm one day closer to feeling his embrace again makes each night easier to greet.
I love you my darling husband
Love,
Tracie
